Two 鈥榯elecommunicative鈥� events happened in our village simultaneously in December.
First, our internet line went down, but Orange couldn鈥檛 give us a date for it to be restored.
By coincidence, the same company was laying fibre-optic cables along our street. It seemed the ideal opportunity to solve the problem: forget about the old line and get a new one installed.
So I went to my local Orange shop and signed up. That was my first mistake. Let them come to you. A rep will call to sell you the connection. If anything goes wrong, they are responsible.
'Mistake number two: Being the first in your village to sign up to fibre'
This was mistake number two. I acted too soon. Don鈥檛 be the first in your village to sign up. Wait and see how it goes.
Combined with this was mistake number three: I didn鈥檛 do research into what fibre-optic cable can and cannot do before the engineer arrived.
He entered the house and I told him precisely where we wanted the Livebox. He didn鈥檛 say anything but asked my family: 鈥淒oes anyone here speak French?鈥�
Once we established an English accent does not mean a lack of comprehension, he gave me a lecture about how he could not put the Livebox where I wanted.
鈥淭oo many corners,鈥� he said. 鈥淔ibre optic won鈥檛 bend into a right angle.鈥� He snapped a piece of cable to prove his point.
The socket could only go close to the road, far from where it was needed, and nowhere else. My fourth mistake 鈥� I am too trusting. I knew this guy was a subcontractor but I believed everything he said, as he represented Orange.
Mistake number five was to give the engineer a good review too quickly. Why not? He was charming and apparently efficient. He even lodged a claim for compensation with Orange on my behalf. Five-star service, no?
But our internet connection was worse than before 鈥� and, a week later, friends said that they had their Livebox installed exactly where they wanted it.
The engineer who had come to our house, I realised, had refused to do what we wanted to make it easier for himself. The compensation claim was a piece of theatre. Perhaps he thought I wouldn鈥檛 make a fuss.
He was wrong. I went back to the shop but all they could do was pass me on to the technical department. A technician phoned a week later.
Yes, Orange would send someone to put the Livebox where it should be but they would charge me for the visit. I just wanted a service I had already paid for. So we fell into a pattern that too many companies in the modern world rely on. In French, it is called balader le client: make excuses and offer inadequate solutions until the customer gets tired and gives up.
For several weeks, I thought we鈥檇 never get beyond this stalemate. Mistake number six, playing strictly by the rules.
'I expected the company to honour its commitment to me'
But it needed a push. I decided to deploy the nuclear option and tell them I was a journalist writing for the English-speaking community in France. I emailed half a dozen press officers in Paris, in English, simultaneously to tell them I was about to write a stinking article accusing Orange of not caring about its customers.
I gave them 48 hours before I went to press. There was a reason for that timescale. When you complain to Orange via the website, you get an automated response telling you a human will respond within 48 hours. In my case, it took rather longer.
The press office reacted the next day. A lady from Orange鈥檚 鈥淪upercomplaints鈥� department promised to take charge of the situation personally.
I explained the story and she emailed me, suggesting the quickest solution was for me to pay Orange to fix their problem.
I knew I had them on the ropes but I wasn鈥檛 taking any chances. I recruited a French friend to write my reply.
He鈥檚 a safety inspector so he knows how to deal with officialdom and speaks 鈥渢echnical鈥�.
Together, we gathered all the evidence we could, including the fact the customer鈥檚 signature on the receipt (supposedly my signature) read 鈥淐ovid19鈥�.
The email that went back to Orange left no holes to crawl through and three working hours later, I was phoned by a technical supervisor who promised a second visit from the engineer, which would be charged for but reimbursed, a bureaucratic way of admitting responsibility and not admitting it at the same time.
Seven weeks after the original flawed installation, a team arrived to move the box to a location of my choosing. They understood me perfectly.
Finally, I was able to communicate with a communications company that finds communicating difficult.
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