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You could have knocked this food noter down with a Thai basil leaf recently when, during a delightful sojourn in Amiens, I had a ‘French’ Asian culinary experience that smashed long-held preconceptions and left me gobsmacked – for once, the food was authentic and superb. It was such a rare find that I went back three nights in a row.

No UK expat in France is safe from the curse of the disappointing sit-down in a Indian, Chinese or Thai (let’s not even mention the state of takeaways).

We do our best to pretend it’s ok, of course (night out!), but the lack of quality/freshness/choice/flavour/spice winds us up like little else in France – a place, let us not forget, where everyone is a self-proclaimed food expert and you cannot so much as alter one ingredient in a boeuf bourguignon without being hailed a traitor to the memory of Mamie and her recipe or threatened with eternal gastronomic damnation.

Then there is the bizarre geographical appropriation witnessed in those all-encompassing ‘restaurants Asiatiques’, which manage to meld several countries’ specialities in the ±ð²Ô³Ù°ùé±ð course alone.

Soggy springs rolls (nems) sit alongside defrosted, cardboard samosas like embarrassed culinary bedfellows.

The worst is yet to come for the poor nems – about to be wrapped in soggy lettuce and mint in a fumbling ritual seemingly from Mars.

Curry and stir-fry sauces are available in jars here, of course, but at twice the price as the UK – French supermarkets clearly know we will pay the earth for our spice fix!

So it seems we have five options – make our own; go to Amiens (restaurant name available upon request); go back to the UK more often for a lamb balti; stop moaning and open a ‘Pan-Asian’ restaurant (how hard can it be?); or retreat into blissful ignorance like French nem-munchers.

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Gadget inspector

Stylish serviettes to snazz up your dinner party decor

Madura is, for some, the go-to high street store for top quality curtains and cushion covers, not to mention sofas and armchairs, but the firm, which started out in 1971, also does a fine line in elegant napkins.

Get creative with your dinner table look: beige, grey, yellow, pink and blue are among the colours added to its Carlina range.

The washed, slightly creased linen is finished with a black bourdon (tightly spaced, decorative) stitch. 45x45cm, price €7 each.

Now available

New boullions in a bottle offer flavourful goodness

Is it a soup? Is it a juice? No, it’s a bouillon!

This range of healthy concoctions is called Bú (from the verb boire – to drink), and is 100% organic, 100% vegetarian, as well as additive and preservative free.

They come in hot and cold, savoury and sweet options and have funky names like ‘Le Câlin’ (The Cuddle – petit pois and coconut milk, €5.80 for 48cl) and ‘Le Malicieux’ (The Mischievous One – pear with star anis and ginger, €6.40 for 50cl).

Not cheap, but delicious.