'My French property is overwhelming me and I may leave'
Columnist Cynthia Spillman advises a reader whose French dream has turned sour
Ask around to see what help is available in your community
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Dear Cynth,
When we moved to France, I thought we would like a big house and plot of land, but in fact I find the work overwhelming. Is it time to sell up?
EM
You do not say how long you have been living in France, nor if you are on your own. I get the sense that you are in a little bit of a panic.
I suggest you take a few deep breaths, sit down, and put on paper all the reasons why you moved to France, why you bought this particular house and land, and what your expectations were compared to the current realities of your French life.
I also suggest that you do the same with your reasons for wanting to move away from your home and land. Are these reasons still valid or has anything important changed since you made the decision? What were your expectations? Were these valid or excessive?
On a third piece of paper, write down all the things you love about your house, land, and French life. Be honest and realistic – how would you feel if you did just sell up and return to your homeland? Would you feel relieved or disappointed in yourself?
Next, brainstorm what you could do to improve your current situation, without the major upheaval of returning home. Could you ask for some local help with your house and land?
Perhaps you could come to some arrangement whereby you and your friends and neighbours help each other out. People are often more willing than you would think to help. You just have to risk putting yourself out there and ask.
Read more: How to cope when the shine comes off your ‘perfect’ new life in France
Finally, if you are living in France with your partner and children, it is only fair to tell them how you are feeling and ask for their input.
If your children are of school age, how would they feel about being uprooted and moving back home? Does your partner have a job? Do you have a job? What are your expectations about how life would now be back home? Often the grass looks greener on the other side because it is fake!
I wish you all the best with your dilemma. Remember, it is your life and your decision, so do take your time before jumping to any rash conclusions.
f you do decide to return home, you have to be certain of your reasons and expectations. Above all, you are not accountable to anybody, nor must you explain yourself to anyone. You are in charge of your own destiny. I wish you luck.
Do you have a problem associated with living in France that is causing upset or worry? Our advice column can help. Write to: askcynth@connexionfrance.com.
Any letters selected for publication will be anonymised. Cynthia will endeavour to reply to all emails.
